Evolutions

This was taken on the way to work for the first time as me January 2015, I may not look it but I was  a nervous wreck and scared for what the future holds for me. Like all too many of us I seem to derive my self worth from my job not from within myself as i should, I guess now that I think about it maybe I need to work on that. I guess writing my thoughts down may have some benefit for me after all, who knew. I realized at this point I looked like a decent looking lady on the outside, I also knew that my soul was female but my internal perception was that I was still playing a role. I was dressing and talking even doing my makeup as I thought I should not so much as to reflect me. Hope that makes sense to you, it is a internal thing that we or I is what I should say want to express to the world and at this point I still wasn't "there".

February 2015

I'm a pretty down to earth kind of person and want my makeup and hair to reflect that, no flamboyance or anything that is over the top. So I continued to look for "my look" with some limited success but I just wasn't quite there yet. The hair in particular needs body desperately and that would be my next challenge finding a hair style that I could manage and that looked good on me as well.

March 2015

By March I think I had found a straight hairstyle that works It looks decent and has good volume and more importantly I felt like this was me! Finally I think it had begun to sink in that this was who I was and would be forever more and I loved her!

I think this is it, I've found my look! April 2015

Now that I had found a straight hair style that worked I couldn't be happy with the same hair every day my goodness no I had to find curls that I could do first thing in the morning without burning myself with a wand everyday as I am want to do. I tried "magnetic curlers" first with no success. Then I went with Conair foam rollers and they worked but the rollers were too small and they are hard to sleep in. I happened to be looking around our new Sally Beauty in Kill Devil Hills and heard the sales clerk talking about how great "snap and go curlers" are so I had to try them out. I mean they were only $13 so no biggie if they sucked. The good news is that they didn't suck at all, they gave me good curls with my first try and I can assure you I will only get better.

I love that creating these curls took no chemicals or heat, dampen hair and roll then go to bed and when you wake up you should have some super tight curls like I did. I actually had to dampen my hair and pull some of the curls out which only made things better as I like the unruly beach hair look.

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Butterflies

Butterflies,

I was one of the girls who knew I was a girl in the wrong body since my earliest memories and I would pray to god every night to change me over night into the girl that I was meant to be. Let me tell you I was not a happy camper when I would wake  up and see that I had  been let down once again by God. Once I came to the realization that God wasn't going to do it for me I grasped onto the idea that at puberty I would finally be the girl I was meant to be, I knew puberty meant I'd be changing but I had no idea it would be change for the worse.

I see a lot of girls comparing transition to a butterfly's metamorphosis which in many ways is an apt comparison, caterpillars are ugly nasty creatures as are men. The cocoon stage or chrysalis stage is comparable to our starting HRT and electrolysis and finally we can spread our feminine wings and fly as we were meant to.

All of that is all well and good but if that ugly caterpillar didn't work his little leggs down to the nubs eating and building up for the energy and storing it then he would never be able to enter the chrysalis stage and if he did he would starve before he was through the metamorphosis.

My point is transition and getting to that point isn't a cake walk nor is it for the faint of heart, it is hard work and its work that you wont see the results from for a long time, we've just got to have faith that we can become the butterfly of our dreams.

Perhaps God gave me the power to transform myself rather than doing it for me, I don't know I'm to shallow for all this. lol

I hope to see you at the closest flower soon sisters.

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Name Change

Name change,

January 8th 2015 I was planning to take my friend Teri to Suffolk Va. for her electrolysis and on the way I wanted to drop off the name change documents. I was thinking that I would drop them off then if and when the change was done the Clerk of Courts office would mail the order to me, well that was not to be.

On the way to drop off my name change documents.

When I got to the Clerk of Courts office the lady asked if I'd had my notice posted for at least 10 days and I told her yes its been up for 5 months now, the reason for the delay is a story for another day. Lets just leave it that the FBI is a bunch of clowns. I digress, she then asked me to have a seat and we'll be with you shortly so I sat down to anxiously await whatever was coming and praying for the best. 

Waiting to for name change.

So far all of my friends had turned their paperwork in and had to wait for weeks but the lady asked me how many copies of my name change that I wanted so I told her 15 as I've heard everyone wants a copy. So far everyone except work has returned the original copies to me after they have scanned it. After about 30 minutes of watching the office staff shuffle papers the Clerk of Court came out to speak with me in person.

What I haven't told you yet is that we were best friends in High School and actually went into the military on the buddy system. While we were going to school we both lifted weights and I'll never forget the first time I got where I could easily bench #300 I showed him and then he laid on the bench and did it without warming up, that was embarrassing. lol I knew he was doing more than me but not how much more, he ended up being a body builder and later a deputy, head detective and now Clerk of Court. I had lost contact with him while dealing with my issues so I really had no idea how he would receive me or if he might delay my name change, I had so many scenarios going through my head and none were good for me!

Well when he came out he shook my hand gave me a hug and told me that he had no idea that i'd been dealing with gender issues for my whole life. He even joked about me paying my witnesses off so I could get the name change. We chatted for about 15 minutes during which time he told me he had been my friend and always would be my friend. So all that worry was over nothing, I knew he was a great guy and should have expected this all along. 

After Electrolysis and seeing our therapists Teri and I celebrated my name change at the No Frill Grill in downtown Norfolk Va. I had a tuna peta wrap that was fantastic, I didn't see one meal go by that didn't look scrumptious. Thanks De Sube for the recommendation to the grill.

Tuna Peta wrap and it was delicious!

Teri and I celebrating my name change.

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New Years Day goofing around

I thought since we were both off for New Years why not take some photos.

I'm still a work in progress but I am making progress and I will get there one way or another.

I think I clean up pretty well don't you?

Feeling a bit bold tonight

I'm so tired!

I love that lipstick!

School girl? LOL

I love that top!

I think this is my best look.

This is actually from spring on 2014 I include it here because it shows just how strong hormones are, when it is time to cry there is no stopping the tears and no predicting what could set them off.

I think that I look very similar to her in the face, I wish I had her body to but I'll take what I can get.

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Christmas 2014

Neither Teri nor I have had anything to celebrate on Christmas day for over 20 years so we decided to do it up right this year from breakfast right on through till after supper.

The day started off with Huevo Ranchero for breakfast.

I made sausage balls for us to snack on throughout the day and boy were they good!

Teri and I ready for action opening our presents.

I wonder what it could be!

OMG! its my favorite perfume CoCo Chanel! love that stuff.

Oh wow, I got a set of Emerald jewelry as well.

Isn't that some fabulous color!

Love this shot of me, I can't believe that is me.

Love those earrings

I cooked Flash Beef Ribs for Christmas dinner.

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Summer and Fall 2014

I was going to Raleigh ever 6 weeks or so for laser facial hair removal at this time so my friend Tammy let me stay at her house in Rocky Mount so I wouldn't have to make a 8 hour drive all in one day. By the end of June she was trying to get me to go wigless but I just could not do it.

Visiting with Tammy and her mother in Rocky Mount.

                                                                    

This is from Tammy trying to convince me to go wigless but I still couldn't see it.

                                

Tammy and I went out to Red Lobster and I had to have a giant drink there.

                                     

It isn't all fun and games laser hair removal on your face hurts like the blazes.

                                                                  

By this time I think I had a pretty good look going for me so I really didn't want to give up the wig, I knew without the wig I
wouldn't look near as good.

                                                                                    

The first picture of me wigless that went public, July 4th 2014 i didn't realize I was wigless until it was to late.

                                                                            

 By the first part of August
I'd finally gotten the courage to go wigless on the beach but I still kept a hat on as much as I could.

                                                              

Mid August and my hair has a long ways to go.





Getting my hair did for the first time by Jessica and with Tammy hamming it up!

Love my new do!

September 2014 and I think I have a pretty good look developing.

Holy shapely girls batman am I getting a figure?

I think I look great in this dress!

Thanksgiving at my house.

Got my hair did one more time just before Christmas 2014

Out with the girls

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Birthday 2014

These are a few pictures of my birthday date, I had a blast at the Black Pelican in Kitty Hawk.

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